did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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