Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
