This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
