i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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