do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
