true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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