I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
