Porn is love you can see.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
