Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
