when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
