Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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