Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
