i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
