the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
