i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
