mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
