Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
