Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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