Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
a search helicopter?!
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
