the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
