Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I have fence marks all over my body
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
