Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
