I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
im about as happy as oj after his trial
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We are two peas in an std pod
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
