so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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