there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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