It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
