Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
