Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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