Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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