i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
