I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
