Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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