Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
