worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
