i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
