Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
