I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
