I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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