I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
