I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
