She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
