the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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