You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I need help removing her.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
