How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
His nipple licking is glorious
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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