Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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