What did we do last night that was yellow?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
