My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Naked Twister starts at high noon
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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