Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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