there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize