Little spoons don't ask big questions
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Randomize
