Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
